Three Ways to Win an Argument

Photo by Sebastian Herrmann on Unsplash

Have you ever been part of an argument that lacked clarity or logic, and seemed to be circular with no resolution in sight? Unfortunately, I have experienced quite a few of them, but along the way, I’ve picked up some ideas on how to make them more productive and escape the situation. Here are three ways to win in these situations.

Know how to diffuse the situation before it begins. My karate sensei used to say the best way to win a fight was to avoid having one. The same thing is true with a verbal argument. When someone states a grievance, restate it instead of reacting to it. An example would be if your child says, “You make me feel guilty when you say you would love to spend more time with me.” You can restate that statement without having a reaction to it. Let her continue because there will be more, and when she is done, say, “Thank you for communicating that to me.” This shuts down the fight she is looking for. Leave behind the need to explain to her your feelings because she isn’t interested in that, and it won’t help the situation.

Change the focus with a question about another topic.

Don’t engage with emotions. Matching someone’s emotions is fanning the flames of a fire. It will only escalate the situation. I have a friend who goes with me to races. I am a very nervous driver, so I am grateful to him for driving when we have to go…