Different family values

When two people are starting a life together there are many factors to consider. One of those things should be what are the family values of your partner? How could the way your partner was raised influence your relationship and your life together? You might say you are marrying your partner and not your partner’s family, but I can tell you from experience that at least some of the environment and beliefs of the family will influence your partner.

My husband and I had dated for two years so you would think I would understand the family dynamics and foresee any possible issues, but I didn’t know what questions to ask. I made a lot of assumptions about my husband's wants and beliefs, and those assumptions caused a few bumps in the road for us.

One of the first ones was how we viewed holidays and birthdays. My family loves a party because it’s a chance to gather, laugh, talk, and eat good food. Christmas is our favorite. My mom was a master at making Christmas special. She built the anticipation about gifts to a fevered pitch, going to midnight mass was magical, and she had great traditions for Christmas morning. I never noticed a difference in how John’s family celebrated because he spent most of the day with us. Our first Christmas as a married couple was a disaster. We lived two states away from family and could not go home because John had to work the next day. Instead of the Christmas I was used to, we spent it like any other day. I was determined that the next year would be different. The next year, John said to me that his sister had…